I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
