Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
