If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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