I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
