Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
