They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
