I wish they made helmets for livers.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
