I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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