Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
