i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
