My first STD was from a foam party
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How does one acquire holy water?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
