he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
