Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
