the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
