I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
