you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
