i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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