I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Small penises have feelings too.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So vagazzling was a success
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
