Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize