Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
