I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
