Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
operation harelip BJ is a go
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
