You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Randomize
