There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I am in a vortex of obligation.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize