So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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