The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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