then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
