speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
