The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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