god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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