I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
