i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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