the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
