I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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