Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
