Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
