I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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