Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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