Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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