Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
