If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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