I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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