there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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