Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
