Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
