he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
