Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm passing your future prison.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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