I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
