alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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