wrigley field is MILF paradise
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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