No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
