The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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