1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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