is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
