the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Terrible idea I love it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
