There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
