I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Enjoy the penises
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
