You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
