you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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