Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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