i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize