All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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