I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
