Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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