Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
