WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
