Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
