I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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