I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
