There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
