i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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