Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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