She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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