Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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