google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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