doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i think i have herpe
just one?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
