I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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