If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
