you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
