watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
