fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
