There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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