I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
