Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
